Remove or Reframe when Negative People Hold You Back

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Hello Traders.

This week I want to go over something that doesn’t just relate to trading, but any form of achievement or self-development you may be working toward in your life. I like to think that if you’re reading this blog, you ARE the type of person trying to work on improving your life, rather than the ‘get rich quick’ squad who dive into anything and everything looking for the easy route.

So this is something that I find is a surreptitious weight at times, one that you don’t really evaluate and face. We spend so much time time nowadays self-evaluating and focusing on self-improvement that a lot of us don’t take the time to look around us. It has almost become a forbidden fruit – ‘oh no, there’s nothing outwith that can negatively impact you, it’s all internal.’

Now while I agree with this last statement to a point, I do not think it is completely accurate. In fact I think it is missing a huge potential problem that all of us face.

I guess because this is a public blog, I’ll call this problem Negative Energy… but in reality, I think of it as the ‘ass-holes who surround us.’

Ok, profanity over. I do apologise. But sometimes you need to dust off the nonsense and get to the root of the issue.

As you move through your life you’re going to face a lot of Negative Energy that comes at you from the people around you. It is a simple fact. Not everyone wants to see other people doing well. You can call it jealousy, fear or anger and it all amounts to the same thing – they can’t handle someone else getting ahead.

The main problem with this? These people can also be those who are close to you, and individuals you can’t easily avoid – co-workers, friends and even family members.

You can feel this energy every time you’re around them and whenever you talk about something good that is happening in your life. It can come as derision that is hidden in plain sight as a ‘joke’, it can be offered as simple laughter when you explain what you want to achieve, it can even be a blunt hammer like ‘you think you can do that? I don’t think you’ll be able to.’

The problem with this type of energy is that no matter how strong you are and how well you defend against that negativity, some of it gets through. I don’t care what all the self-help gurus say – that is the reality of life. No one can be strong all the time. Some of it leaks into the mind and sets up camp as a whispering, persistent voice.

So what do you do when this is happening?

Well first and foremost, you need to REALISE that it is happening. When you spot any of the actions listed above or anything similar, understand that it is someone trying to drag you down.

A quick note here – I’m not saying they are doing it on purpose or that they even realise they are doing it. But they ARE doing it and the sooner you accept it, the quicker you can begin to move on from it.

 

As you spot it you need to do something that is difficult – you need to be selfish. You need to look out for yourself. This can seem strange, especially if the person acting like this is close to you. However look at it this way – aren’t they being selfish? Knocking you as you try to pull yourself up? Of course they are.

Once you identify the problem, you need to either remove yourself from the situation, or reframe it to your benefit.

Removing yourself can be done if it is friends. It can be difficult, but sometimes we outgrow personal relationships. It’s ok to walk away from them. Just ask yourself if you still want to be in the same position as you are now in ten years? That can make it a heck of a lot simpler. I have walked away from friendships in the past and at the time it seemed like a huge challenge... But looking back I know I made the right decisions.

If you can’t remove yourself from the situation, then reframe it. Get good at identifying when people are putting you down and try and look beyond it, into what they are really saying. Because there is a deeper meaning, and it is usually one of insecurity or fear. If you can see this as it is happening – perhaps they are worried that someone they know is going to leave them behind. Or perhaps they are insecure and feel they can’t do what you are talking about doing and so don’t want to see you doing it.

 

When you see this, the ‘digs’ toward you become less severe. You can change the subject quickly or laugh it off with them, understanding that if anything, those ‘digs’ are a sign that they believe you ARE capable of doing what you say you are going to do and use it as further fuel as you strive to achieve your goals.

If they persist, simply change the subject, by saying something like 'I don't like the way you always rain on my dreams.' A statement like this is blunt and to the point and will make them feel uncomfortable, especially if they are close to you. After that, just change the subject!

Your journey is an internal one, but sometimes the external can leak in. This can be a problem at times, but there are ways to deal with it if you're willing to face them head on.

Remove or reframe, but never let them convince you that you aren’t capable of doing what it is you have set out to do.

I hope you’ve all had a great trading week!